COGNITIVE AND MENTAL SKILL: IMPROVING MENTAL CONTROL
Most people find it easier to relax the body than to relax the mind. As the body relaxes, the mind generally follows. However, there are several powerful strategies for calming the mind as well. A calm yet alert mind is most able to receive input, to make judgments, to relate well with others, and to concentrate on tasks.
Just as you rated muscle tension on a scale from one to ten, you can rate your mental tension. Think of your mind as an empty space when it is truly quiet. Your thoughts are quiet and serene, with little or no conscious awareness (arousal level of one). There may be occasional stray thoughts drifting through this space that can drift away as easily as they came. As you drift up towards alertness, you are conscious of your surroundings, yet you still feel quiet and relaxed (arousal level of two). Imagine relaxing on the beach watching the sunset.
At three, you may be talking with a friend or doing minor tasks or recreational activities in a relaxed frame of mind. As your arousal increases to four or five, you may be engaged in routine tasks which take effort and thought but have minor tension associated with them. When your arousal levels move above five, your tension levels are increasing because you're worried about the outcome of your task. When your mind seems busy with repetitive worries or fears, or depressed by dark thoughts, your tension level may climb above six or seven.
Take a few moments to reflect on the last couple of days. Have you had periods when your thoughts were quiet, peaceful, relaxed? Have you had moments when thoughts were swirling fast and furious, some thoughts appearing over and over again? Assign a number to your level of mental tension today. Note the fluctuations in your thought patterns, their speed, content, and variety. As you notice your thoughts more, you will be better able to direct them.
Your awareness can fluctuate through memories of the past, awareness of the present and anticipation of the future. Consciousness may seem like a voice talking inside your head. This is commonly referred to as "self talk." Consciousness may be visual images, such as the faces of friends. There may be tactile or "body" memories, like the feeling of cold water in a pool or the memory of a painful injury. Even distinctive smells or tastes can be remembered or imagined. Take a moment to imagine sucking a slice of lemon.
Can you feel your mouth react?
How you feel at any given moment is greatly influenced by the content of your thoughts and awareness. Regulating consciousness is another major part of stress management. There are several strategies for regulating mental processes. Some are simple, and easy to learn, though sometimes difficult to practice on a regular basis. Others are complex and address fundamental beliefs and assumptions you may have developed over your lifetime and require a special effort on your part to correct, possibly including professional help. We will discuss the strategies in turn.
Creating a vision of how you would like your mind to operate is a first step. Because it is difficult to describe mental activity, it seems easier to use metaphors or picture images. A quick intellect may be like an eagle, who sees the world in a large perspective, can zero in on a target, and act quickly. Does your mind seem like a computer, systematic, fast yet without feeling? Can you use the delete key to forget a troublesome memory?
Create an image for your own mind that will help you to slow down thoughts as needed, and to speed up or focus your thoughts. Practice bringing this image to mind as much as possible during your day. Once the image has been brought to mind, allow the image to relax or inspire yourself, perhaps by also taking a deep breath. This technique uses the power of suggestion and self-instruction to improve mental control.
Engaging in mental activity that does not have to do with your stress is a common form of relieving mental tension. Distracting mental activities include watching television, playing cards, completing a crossword puzzle, or reading the daily newspaper, magazines, or books. These activities change your focus of attention from demanding tasks or stressful issues to light or repetitive tasks which require little effort, yet push away worrisome thoughts. While the stressful situation doesn't change, your mind has a rest from worrying about it.
An executive friend found a fast game of squash to be most relaxing mentally. He was unable to think about his business when the ball was bouncing toward him at eighty miles an hour. Mental distractions are a way of temporarily avoiding thinking about the stress in your life. After a recuperative period, you'll think more clearly about your problems.
Sometime distractions are unwanted. You may be trying to concentrate and other thoughts intrude. This can be thought of as cognitive interference. Like a radio station that has drifted off, you are receiving two stations at once. When you notice this is happening, take note of where you drifted so you can check back there later, and then tell yourself to return to your original station. It may help to focus on a long breath and be aware of relaxing your muscles as you do this.
Staying in the present moment is the best way to pull your mind away from regrets about the past, or worry about the future. Do what is needed for today, one day at a time. At times it may seem you have to cope moment to moment. "Grounding" yourself in your present environment also pulls your mind away from stressful thoughts. To do this strategy, notice the objects around you, ground yourself in your body and its contact with the earth or furniture. Notice colors, textures, sounds, the weather or air. This "sensate focus" broadens the input into your mind, giving you a fuller sense of your present experience. Try this exercise now for one minute.
Sometimes you need something stronger than distraction to interrupt a negative train of thought. You need emergency brakes. If you are about to lose your temper because your child has bugged you once too often, count to ten. If you are about to say something hurtful, critical, or threatening, don't. Zip your lip. When you find yourself anxiously reviewing all the bad things that could happen to you, say " STOP!" loudly to yourself. You can give yourself a firm reminder to control your inner turmoil and its effects. This method is simple but effective. It gives you time to come down a little from a tension level of seven or eight, to a level where you can think more clearly.
At first you may need to say "STOP" several times for it to be effective. This method is usually used in conjunction with cognitive restructuring,
Varieties of Meditation or Contemplation
Most spiritual practice has some form of meditation. Prayers of all religions are a way of focusing attention through recitation of spiritual phrases, directing your attention to God, or to a certain inner state of peace, love, or understanding. By reciting prayers with themes of hope, joy, thanksgiving, or forgiveness, our hearts are more likely to be filled with those feelings. Some people find listening to music helpful in meditating. This does not mean having music in the background while your mind is busy with the usual daily grind. Instead, really listen to the music, follow each note and musical phrase, let your soul be uplifted by the sounds. Singing or playing music may have similar effects. One client who had to have frequent blood tests was terrified of needles. She hummed spiritual hymns during the procedure, and she never felt the pain of the needle sticks.
The natural world has a pace, life, and quality that can bring us to greater awareness. A walk on the beach, watching the sunset, bird watching, hiking can also be forms of meditation. The contemplation of nature is a time-honored form of meditation. The natural world is ever present. Meditations on nature are simply tuning into what is around you, the quality of the air, the temperature, a thunderstorm. At night, hear the crickets. In the morning hear mockingbirds singing, or blue jays scolding. Even in the city there is the sky, the trees, a small window box. If you love fishing it may be not just to catch fish, but to sit by the water and watch the wind, waves, evening sunset, birds, turtles, or, in the Deep South, an occasional alligator.
Take a moment to think of ways that you meditate in your life. Do you read spiritual passages, and then think about the message throughout your day? Do you watch the bird feeder as you eat your breakfast in the morning? Do you take a few minutes for prayer at meals or before bed? Do you experience the bright morning and the fresh air as you walk to work? Do you attend religious services that include times for reflection?
You can build upon the forms of meditation and expand them through regular practice. Learning to extend your meditation practice can yield even greater benefits of awareness of your body, your moods, and your perceptions of the world. As a consequence, you can then direct your life towards greater peace and sensitivity.
Our minds have different levels of awareness. We drift into and out of different states of awareness throughout the day. A child who looks out the window into his daydream can be said to be in a kind of trance, with his mind open to many associations. Other times, he can be deeply absorbed in a task, not hearing someone call his name. These shifts in consciousness are usually automatic, occurring without our being aware of the shifts. Too often, under stress, we lose our ability to become immersed in our inner world.
There are two general types of formal meditation practice. In one type, you focus or narrow your attention to one point of sensation. In the second, you open your awareness to all incoming external or internal stimuli without judgment, like a blotter absorbs ink.
Focusing attention on one point is the easiest to begin with. For a focal point, choose something which is meaningful or appealing to you. That focus may be an external visual point, such as a candle, religious picture, altar, or natural scene. The focus can be internal, such as your breathing or recitation of certain phrases. Since your breath is always with you, some find that most convenient to focus upon. The important idea is that you find something that appeals to your personal style and background.
A quiet comfortable environment is the best place to practice meditation. Once you are more experienced, you can practice anywhere. You may want to arrange a special place in your home for your meditation. If you attend church, temple or synagogue, you may want to meditate at your place of worship once or twice a week. In good weather, try practicing outdoors. Practicing twice daily for twenty minutes gives you the most benefit. Ideal times to practice are before breakfast and before dinner.
It is recommended to take a balanced upright posture when doing meditation. Lying down may result in sleep, a state different from that of meditation. Some people prefer sitting in a straight-backed chair with their feet on the floor. Others like sitting cross-legged on the floor. Another position is to kneel on the floor or on a cushion, sitting back on the heels. Your head may either balance comfortably upright, or you can let your chin drop slightly towards your chest.
Begin to focus your attention in a passive way, not trying to accomplish anything. Gently keep your awareness focused. Do not rush. Do not judge your progress. You will not stay exclusively focused at all times. When your thoughts wander or you feel worry or confusion intruding into your thoughts, gently return your awareness to your focal point, i.e., your breathing, the visual image, or the recitation.
At the end of your meditation, take your time to return to your normal state of alertness. Move or stretch a bit before getting up. If your body has slowed its metabolic rate during the meditation, allow a few moments for heart rate and blood pressure to return to normal.
In awareness meditation, rather than narrowing your focus to a particular image, the object is to be aware of experiences, thoughts and feelings as they enter your consciousness. Meditate on whatever comes into your mind. This is called insight meditation. If something new enters your mind, just be aware of that. Let all experience in without judgment and follow your train of thought wherever it leads you.
Notice your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. While sitting quietly, notice any thoughts that enter your mind. If you begin to think about food, recognize "I am thinking about food." If you are thinking about an argument and begin to feel angry, say to yourself, "I am thinking about that argument. I feel angry." Do not judge your thoughts as good or bad. Just be aware that you are thinking or feeling. This allows you to step out of the anger long enough to choose how to deal with it.
As your meditation practice becomes more habitual, it can be done while sitting, walking, or working. You are developing mindfulness, or the awareness of what you are doing, feeling, and thinking throughout the day.
For physical health benefits, mindfulness of the body can be extended into everyday practice. An example would be awareness of taking a long breath when you feel anxious, awareness of breathing gently for three minutes before each meal, or the twenty-minute practice (twice daily), of focusing. Other meditations on the body can be done while walking, being aware of your feet touching the earth, feeling the air on your face, feeling the muscles of your body move.
Many people combine exercise with meditation. While jogging, do not think of what you will do later when you return home. Use the time while jogging to focus your attention on the sensations of your body. Develop your awareness of your physical self. If it is a bright day, feel the sensation of brightness on your eyes. If it is rainy, cold, or warm, notice what that feels like.
We have described several different ways to become aware of and regulate the direction of your thoughts. These strategies help you to invite positive thoughts and feelings in to help you cope. Some thoughts, however, are persistent, habitual, and return over and over to upset us. They need special work. Keeping a record of your thoughts helps you take an objective view of them. Having the thoughts on paper puts them outside and sitting still, instead of running around your brain creating havoc. Many of these upsetting thoughts are vague fears, images of catastrophe, the critical voice of a parent or teacher, or bad memories. Writing them down crystallizes them so you can work with them. We recommend several styles of keeping a thought record. Pick the one that works for you.
· Keep a diary or journal. This may contain events, your reactions, memories, or random musings. Note what things make life better or worse. Review periodically to pull out concerns that recur.
· Write a story, narrative, or letter about a currently challenging event or situation. Describe the whole situation, as if telling the story to someone who is hearing about it for the first time. At the end, write how you would like things to turn out, or write about the moral of the story and any character development that took place. If you find that you are still upset about the situation, write the story again in a few days. You will find that each time you write, the story changes as your view of it changes.
· Write "Morning Pages". This is a technique described by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. She suggests the exercise to help discover and recover the creative self. Simply write three pages of stream of consciousness. There is no right or wrong way, just write whatever comes to mind, without judging. Nothing is too petty or weird to be included. This exercise drains the brain of its petty stuff, criticisms and habitual thoughts that you wake up with each day. By putting them on paper, you make room for more creative thoughts that lie behind them. When you have three pages, stop. Do not read over what you have written. Go on with your day. Do it every morning without fail for several weeks, no matter what your mood.
· Make a list: Keep a running list of upsetting thoughts as they come up. There may be variations on a theme, but write each one down. When the thought recurs, just note to yourself, "Yes, that one is back again." Write down the feeling that goes with the thought. Rate the intensity of distress on a scale of 1-10, with 10 the most intense. Use this list in the Two Column Technique found below.
Webster defines wisdom as "the power of judging rightly and following the soundest course of action, based on knowledge, experience, understanding, and discretion."
Cognitive therapists such as Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck have refined the techniques of using the rational mind to help the emotional mind turn into a wise mind. Traditionally, this has been thought of as balancing head and heart so that wisdom emerges. The "two column technique" is an exercise which has been well researched in recent years and found to be effective in reducing both depression and anxiety. The procedure is as follows:
· Across the top of the page, write a brief description of a stressful situation, what makes it upsetting, and the worst part of it for you. Keep it short and to the point.
· Draw a line from top to bottom down the middle of the sheet of paper.
· In the left column, write down the automatic, negative thoughts you have about the situation, the other people, yourself, possible future outcomes. Record the thoughts just as they come to you. For each sentence, rate how much you believe it, how true it is, from 0 to 100%.
· Add any feeling words. For the main feeling, rate how distressing it is, from 1 to 100.
· In the right hand column, for each sentence write down a "rational response". This part can be hard. The new thought doesn't have to be necessarily true, just another way to see things. To get started ask yourself, "What evidence do I have that the negative thought is true? What is the actual probability that this outcome will happen? Could I bear to face that? What other way can I think about this?" Again, for each sentence, rate how much you believe it, how true it is, from 0 to 100%.
· Finally, looking over the whole picture, write down your present feelings, and rate the degree of distress again, from 1 to 100. The distress may not have disappeared, but it now may be in a range where you can handle it better. In the meantime, you may have come in touch with strengths and a perspective you had forgotten in your distress.
Again, this technique has been shown to make a significant improvement in mood, but it only works if you do it.
Reality testing is the process of checking your personal views against facts, other people's views, and actual events. All of us carry distortions about the world. At one extreme is the Pollyanna who believes everything will turn out fine and that all people are wonderful. At the other extreme is the paranoid personality who believes the world is out to get him and trusts no one. It helps to know your tendencies of distortion, your automatic reactions. We suggest, "When in doubt, check it out". Your final decisions may be more sound if you have collected other views.
Reality testing is particularly relevant on the job. In this era of rapid and escalating change, it is often difficult to tell what's real and what's illusory. It's an important difference. For instance, you need to know your real value to your company. If you think you're worth more than you really are you're liable to make unrealistic demands and create problems. If you have no idea what you're worth, you may get less than what you should.
Reality testing is also helpful in family and other interpersonal relationships. Do you take things personally when it wasn't meant that way? Are you in denial about a part of a loved one's character? Use other people as sounding boards to check your view of reality.
Ask for feedback from supervisors, coworkers or friends. Don't think you know what separates reality from illusion. Self-deception is seductive and we all do it to some extent. Try to be objective about yourself, your work situation, and how it fits in the grand scheme of things. Be flexible enough to adjust your thoughts and behaviors accordingly.
Thinking and behaving flexibly is invaluable when life isn't working well. Frustration mounts, bringing with it anger and cognitive and behavioral rigidity. A cycle begins of failure, frustration, persistence in failed behaviors, failure, frustration, etc. You're trapped. Step back and say "This isn't working, I need a different approach, or new insight." Talk to other people for ideas. Try thinking about the problem from a different perspective.
Hypnosis is a temporary condition of altered attention which is induced by the repetition of certain phrases designed to narrow your focus of attention, and then to suggest a particular behavior, memory or physical phenomenon. While in a hypnotic trance, the individual is more amenable to suggestions, within certain limitations.
Hypnosis is yet another dimension of consciousness, similar to deep relaxation and meditation. While it is sometimes called an altered state of consciousness, hypnosis is not unlike the normal fluctuations in awareness that we all experience to one degree or another.
You are in a kind of trance when you are immersed in a daydream or a good story, and don't hear someone enter the room. Suggestibility is not unlike the tendency to order the same meal as your friend in a restaurant because it sounds good, or the tendency to mimic the posture of someone you're conversing with or to pick up the mood of a family member.
Trance induction has been used in cultures around the world for thousands of years, often through chanting, the beating of drums or dancing. A mystical trance state allowed early Christian martyrs to withstand torture and death without apparent pain. Native American as well as East Indian tribal groups have had ceremonies involving the puncture or tearing of flesh, with no report of pain, followed by rapid healing of the wound. African tribes use ceremonies and chanting as an important element in native healing.
In the past two hundred years since the Austrian physician Franz Anton Mesmer popularized hypnosis for treatment of hysteria, Western scientists have investigated these phenomena and documented their use in medicine and in the treatment of psychological disorders.
The response to hypnosis varies greatly from one person to another. About ten percent of adults are not susceptible to becoming hypnotized. Susceptibility is associated with high intelligence, a tendency to daydream, a capacity for vivid imagery, and a positive attitude to the idea of being hypnotized. In children, susceptibility increases with the mastery of language and reaches its peak at age eight to ten years of age, thereafter declining to adult levels.
The following effects have been demonstrated with careful experimental investigation but may not occur in every individual: initiation or inhibition of muscle contraction; paralysis resulting from the contraction of opposing muscle groups; increased tolerance of fatigue and discomfort of the muscles; increased strength; inhibition of hunger contractions; increased gastric acidity following suggestions that food was being eaten; changes in stomach secretions; greater pain tolerance; enhanced capacity to recall previous experiences, especially emotional or traumatic memories; improved recall of meaningful learned material; skin changes; age regression or the memory and behavioral traits of a younger person.
Conditions treated with some success have included addictions, asthma, excessive appetite, eczema, irritable bladder, stress incontinence, menstrual disturbance, headaches, dental pain and alleviation of dental anxiety, and alleviation of anxiety. Hypnosis has been used in habit control, such as smoking and eating patterns.
The popular image of hypnosis has come from stage or movie demonstrations where the hypnotist seems to assume power over the mind of the subject. This is far from the actual case. While some people are susceptible to post-hypnotic suggestion, many are not. It is found that post-hypnotic suggestions also wear off within a few days. In the practice of medicine and psychotherapy, instead of the therapist inducing the trance every time, subjects are taught self-hypnosis, so they can use their skill to care for themselves. Most commonly, an audiotape is made of the trance induction session and health suggestions, allowing the subject to practice at home and have the continuous reinforcement of the positive suggestions.
If you are interested in pursuing hypnosis as a possible treatment, contact the American Society for Clinical Hypnosis for practitioners in your area. You may also inquire among behavioral medicine specialists for a therapist with training and experience in these methods. As with choosing any specialist, select one with excellent credentials in his/her field of expertise.
Affirmations and Spiritual Philosophy
Affirmations are statements which reinforce an idea or belief. In training your mind to think more positively, frequently repeating a positive statement will cue you to other positive thoughts, just as listening to a song over and over tends to bring that tune into your mind when the music is no longer playing.
Our clients often question whether such repetition of an idea can really make a difference, or ask, "Isn't it some form of brainwashing?" It isn't. The comparison to learning a new language is instructive. To acquire a new language you first listen to others say the words over and over. You then begin to practice the new words exactly as you heard them. Daily listening and repetition slowly builds vocabulary. Eventually, with practice, you can be fluent with the new language, creating your own ideas within that language, and thinking in the new language.
Just as you learned to speak and think in your mother tongue as a child, you also learned to think in positive or negative ways using that language. If your parents spoke critically and judgmentally, you tend to think and speak in similar ways. Just as you might change an accent to make it more pleasing, you can change the accent of your thoughts to make yourself feel better about yourself and the world around you.
The memorization of spiritual passages, poetic verses, or ancient sayings have guided thought for centuries. Affirmations continue that tradition.
In selecting affirmations for your personal use in managing stress you can borrow from literature, religious texts, the words of a spiritual leader, or create your own, tailor-made for you.
For example, if you in the process of writing a book, you may post a note near your computer keyboard, "You can write this book. If you tend to worry, you might use the phrase, "Things will work out somehow." If you have self-doubt, you might try, "I am a wonderful human being". Other phrases our clients have found helpful are:
· "God loves me."
· "I feel part of the earth's spirit."
· "I accept my body as it is."
· "I can relax."
· "I can transcend sorrow."
· "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold".
· "Every cloud has a silver lining."
· "I can learn from my pain."
· "I can eat moderately."
You don't have to fully believe your statement. An affirmation is a statement of hope as well as intention. Repetition of the affirmation will increase your belief in the statement. Affirmations utilize the phenomenon of "self-fulfilling prophecy." The more we expect something to happen, the more likely it is to happen.
We are not promoting magical thinking here. Saying over and over, "It will stop raining" doesn't change the weather. However, saying, "I can handle all kinds of weather" encourages you to carry an umbrella.
You may want to consult the many books available which have inspirational thoughts. Some calendars also have a "thought for the day" and when you check your schedule you can also take a moment to reflect.
As you read or think about affirmations which will support your action plan, write down those that would be helpful in maintaining your plan. Keep a notebook, cards, or sticky pads handy for writing them down. Post your affirmations in convenient spots-your mirror, near the telephone, on the refrigerator-where you will be reminded of the thought. Throughout the day, gently repeat your statement, and consider how it may be true. If you notice, "yes, but..." thoughts, recognize them as unhelpful, and let them go. This inner struggle may go back and forth for a while. Stay with it until you see some positive results.
The term autogenic means self-generation or self-regulation. This term was used by Drs. Johannes Schult and Wolfgang Luthe in Germany in the 1960's to describe a way of talking to yourself to suggest an internal state of being which adjusts your physical body for optimal functioning. Autogenic phrases help the body return to homeostasis, the mechanism that automatically regulates body functions. It is similar to self-hypnosis but without going into an hypnotic trance.
Autogenics can be used for rapid relaxation, to develop quiet attention, to bring healing attention to special areas, or to influence autonomic functions such as stomach, heart, circulation. It can also be used for mental and physical calming of any physical or mental concerns that would benefit from positive self-suggestion.
After you have learned progressive muscle relaxation, autogenic phrases can be used as a quicker way to relax. As you relax, conjure up images of nothingness. Imagine yourself looking at a black velvet curtain. Imagine yourself relaxing at the beach on vacation without a care in the world or floating on a raft on warm, quiet waters. Try different images until you find one that appeals to you and works.
You can use the autogenic exercise in several different positions. This is useful if you are at the office or in a meeting. Sit in an armchair with your head, back, and arms comfortably supported. Sit as relaxed as possible. If there is no headrest, sit upright, feet on the floor in a comfortable position. Or, you can sit, slightly stooped over, with your arms resting on your legs and hands draped between your knees. If you are home, lie down with head supported and arms resting comfortably at the side of the body without touching. If you are in private, closing your eyes usually enhances the relaxation effect. If you are in your office, at a meeting, or in a public place, closing your eyes may seem awkward. In that case, pick a spot about six feet away to look at. With soft eyes, let the spot go slightly out of focus as you do the exercise. You'll still be able to see around you without being unnecessarily distracted.
Simply say the following phrases to yourself:
Let my arms become heavy and relaxed. (As you say this, let tension flow out of your arms and shoulders);
Let my legs become heavy and relaxed. (Let tension drain out of your legs);
Let my breathing be gentle and even. (Follow a few breaths);
Let my mind become calm and quiet. (Let your mind rest. Let your mind be like a quiet pool, with no thoughts rippling the surface).
Repeat this process two or three times until you feel quiet and rested.
Take three to five minutes to try the exercise right now. Continue reading afterwards.
If you are working to assist healing of a particular part of your body, add some special images and phrases for that area, such as
Let my heartbeat become calm and regular;
Let my hands become warm and full (for migraine);
Let my forehead become cool and relaxed (for migraine);
Let my stomach become calm and smooth (for stomach and intestinal problems);
Let my throat become cool and soft, like an icicle dripping on it (sore throat);
Let my blood vessels become relaxed and dilated (for hypertension);
Let my white blood cells become vigorous and plentiful (for immune problems);
Let my body become strong and flexible (for general hardiness);
Let my mind become alert and focused (for concentration).
Pick a phrase now and think of it for one minute. Do not "try" to make anything happen. Just relax and repeat the phrase. Sometimes you may be aware of images or thoughts; sometimes nothing happens. Do this exercise without judging what happens.
As you practice autogenic imagery, be creative in using your own symbols for how your body heals itself. How you talk to yourself is important. Self-suggestion is related to the concepts of self-fulfilling prophecy and placebo, both documented influences on behavior and healing.
Ask your physician for an explanation of your illness or symptom so you can use this information to create an accurate image of wellness and healing. As we have emphasized before, these methods are used to assist healing but are not a substitute for consultation with a physician.
Making decisions can be a source of stress, especially if you are torn among options. Not making a decision can also be stressful because problems linger unsolved or someone else makes the decision. Making decisions may be something you take for granted or do unconsciously. However, there is a series of steps that people go through to reach a decision. The more you are aware of those steps, the better your decisions will be.
1. Identify that there is a decision to be made. There is a need of some kind. In this step, make an in depth exploration of the situation, your feelings, and the impact on others.
2. Gather information. You cannot make a wise choice without having some information. This may include facts, probabilities, and feelings. Doing a little research may open up your options more than you think. Talk to people, read, or recall other times in your life when you faced a similar situation.
3. Generate options. This is a brainstorming time. Write down a list of possibilities without judging ideas as they come. Be creative, funny, outrageous, practical.
4. Weigh the options. How does each one feel? What are the probabilities of a good outcome? Try each option on for size in your imagination. If you are on the fence, notice what is adding to your ambivalence. If it is 50/50, take a chance on the most interesting, or simply flip a coin. If you don't like the toss, that tells you to go with the other choice.
5. Make an initial choice or decision. You may need to compromise if the best choice is not available. You may make a decision to wait for more options.
6. Follow through. Act on it. More information comes in as we proceed.
7. Reevaluate. How is it working out?
8. Update your decision. Cycle back to previous steps as needed. Don't get stuck on an ineffective course of action just because "We said we would do it this way!"
One of the common reactions to difficulties or problems in life is to worry about them. This process usually can be a way to anticipate and prepare for an upcoming challenge. As you review the situation over and over, new ideas arise, and you can plan your strategy. But sometimes thoughts and images become exaggerated and take on a life of their own. The flow of negative thoughts becomes persistent and intrudes in on your work and distracts from enjoyment of the good things that are happening.
Dr. Thomas Borkovec and his colleagues at Pennsylvania State University have studied worrying for many years. They have found that when people brood or worry prior to a cognitive task, they show signs of hesitation and slower decisions on the task. Those who relaxed beforehand were able to answer more rapidly.